When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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