And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
