So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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