You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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