Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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