That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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