Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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