When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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