my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
