it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
