thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She told me I should be a condom model.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
