i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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