We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize