Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So apparently I’m into choking now
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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