She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
