so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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