There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
