Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
