he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
How naked do you want me to be?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
