the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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