my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
