I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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