I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize