So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
