he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
