you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
