i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
