I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
