i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
