I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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