So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
