i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
