Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
