I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
