Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
