dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
