and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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