Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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