i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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