I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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