Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
