This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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