Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
