I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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