I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
