Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
