I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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