The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
