We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
