This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
