I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize