you guys were way drunker than both of me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
