people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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