You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
