If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
