i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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