Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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