I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
