went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
