he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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