It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
