it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
