I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
