I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
