operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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