if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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