I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
