I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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