I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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