You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
