We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
