i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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