Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
