We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
