WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
